Another day which might be almost the same again. I’m not complaining, it just happens that it’s not hard to recognize the patterns of our days here in Saudi Arabia. My last blog post may explain why.
In the Philippines, no work no pay is the common policy. Here, no work but still with pay. That calms my mother, me as well.
Writing in my Android journal app “Diaro” and in this blog makes my day. Similar to what Flannery O’ Connor says — “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say,” my thoughts was cleared once I saw them.
The spaghetti thoughts that swirling in my brain lined-up in a digital format using my tablet. I got some slight problem, I’m too shy to abuse my friend here who has a laptop and the internet. I think I must challenge myself to have my own.
Besides, Shakespeare still writes years even before the first light bulb was ignited. The absence of this digital tools is a lousy excuse not to write.
Every Day Is a Decision
Deciding to start is a great breakthrough, to continue what been started is another story. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad news for you, the truth is our indecision are still decisions. The only difference is that other people decide for us.
Depending on the person and his intentions, his decisions for us can make or break us.
Sometimes, though, even your most trusted friend can accidentally tear you apart with his pure intentions. We don’t want to blame him, right?
I have some simple self-imposed decisions to be a better writer. I decided to do either all or at least one of these things every day:
1)To write something in my journal and/or my blog.
2)To read something not necessarily about writing, but anything that could inspire my writing.
3)To live a good life that would also inspire my writing.
#1 and #2 are must-do-but-can-miss-sometimes things but #3 is non-negotiable.
Sometimes the Only Option Is Self-Affirmation
Looking back at my past, I could not almost find so many experiences that could affirm myself as a writer. My love in reading books, journaling and former two very brief writing gigs were my only entries to my writer’s resume’. Most of the time I have no choice but to affirm myself.
This is good for us who wants to find something meaningful in our lives, to not be distracted by our hidden agendas of being affirmed.
With the exception of God, no one knows us better than ourselves. We are confused if we are not aware of our own selves. I admit I’m still in the process. This requires a lot of emotional and physical hard work. Many risks and scary discoveries are at hand.
Writing is my medium of knowing thyself. Maybe yours is cooking, feeding the poorest of the poor, painting, embroidering, software programming or just anything that can give you self-awareness. Anything that gives the most value to yourself and to other people.
Of course, I’m a liar to say that I don’t need affirmation at all. My fragile ego does need some of this anesthesia for me to forget the hurt of rejections and other negative emotions. So the same as an anesthesia the effects of affirmations will surely wear out so I would need some more after.
Better Word for Affirmation
I think the better word for affirmation, a better anesthesia — is an encouragement. Affirmation is just a declaration of truth that you don’t know or you doubt about yourself. Encouragement, on the other hand, has a call-to-action.
The action is the bridge between the just-mere-perceivable goals to tangible outcomes.
I have this fear of being in a place with different religion, language, and culture. What I’m more afraid is to give my trust to my friends.
This confession may depress you or may give you some disappointments. But until now I’m making the most of my obscurity. I don’t tell my friends in the Philippines and even my five new-found friends here in our apartment in Saudi Arabia that I have this blog.
The good effect is that somehow I can write just for the pure joy of it. No expectation of recognition.
Some of these five Filipinos might just notice that I’m scribbling in my tablet without any idea on what the heck am I up to.
As my valued reader, please be patient on how I deal with my shortcomings. If you can give me some great words of advice, feel free to leave a comment.
Do It Afraid
I already said in my first blog post that I learned that the only factor to be a writer is to just write. We all have our own issues in life, but I think we owe to the world to be on a path where we should be.
I may write in sweating palms.
I may write while mushing all my might the self-doubts.
I may write afraid.
Now, I’m thousand of miles away from home, I still write. Especially when I’m thousand of miles away from home. Far from usual routines in my country, I must find a deeper reason to write.
I’m not saying you should write too, just be on a journey to where you should go. I apologized though that I don’t know how to be on that journey because I’m a working-in-progress and barely starting.
Maybe you should love yourself enough without being selfish. Do some reflections about your life. Find some mentors who already been in the place where you want to go.
Bottom line my friend — decide on your own. Or someone else will do it for you.