Last Sunday, I finally celebrated Christmas in the Philippines. I finished my two-year contract in Saudi Arabia and filed an exit. No more plans of coming back. I’ll try other countries. I want to experience another culture that’s way different from mine. Again.
We all experienced one way or the other how it’s hard to do things that we planned ourselves. Instead of studying, we watched television or YouTube. We’re online in Facebook Messenger instead of doing that overdue thesis.
I finally met most of my relatives and some of my friends. I admit this makes me think not to write a blog post. Make an exemption just for this week. But, I remember how I felt when I abandoned my blog for more than a year. I also wrote last week consistency is better than cleverness.
This article is my weekly due to my commitment — post in my blog every Wednesday. Perhaps also to my ego. To tell myself I did what I told myself I should do. Even if nobody cares except me.
The Irony of Writing
I already know the irony of writing. It’s kind of weird how hard it is to write when it should be easy.
As far as I can remember. I’m always like that. I delay and find creative ways to do anything non-essential, but not the must-do activities.
Maybe it’s the perfectionism.
Fear of failure. Even the fear of success.
In writing, there are instances I can’t think of anything to write. I can think of washing the dishes. Cook a meal. Find an inspirational article on the internet. Anything except writing.
There were sayings that inspiration is for amateurs. I want to become a pro, but like most of us, we don’t want the amount of sacrifice to get there. The loneliness. The anxiety of what other people might think of you. The emotional drain of doing things unappreciated.
Why is it so easy to delay things?
Why, when I’m at work, I felt lots of inspiration rushing to my fluffy brain? But, after work when I have the time to write, the inspirations suddenly shut down. Why? Now, I’m jobless and time-rich, I’m still struggling to write.
The joy of being excellent at something must be the prerequisite for being bad at first. Then become good. Then hopefully, become more than good enough.
I already finished the 31-day “My 500 Words Writing Challenge” I set for myself. I continue doing it and today is my 40th day. For some writers, this is easy. Not me.
The Past Reminds Me of What I’m Capable of
Real artists ship. ~Steve Jobs
I’m now more blessed. Before I’m just using a mobile phone to make a blog post. Now I have my own laptop. It’s like having a bike before and now I’m using a car. And yet I can’t still go far to my destination of being a writer. All the cells in my body cringe by that thought. I ask again myself, “who do I think I am?”
Knowing I’ve done it before only using my small fingers in a small glass of my mobile phone is a great reminder. It’s like David knows he can defeat Goliath. He knows it because he killed lions and bears before.
The question is not whether I win or lose in the battle. It’s more about choosing the right battle. Procrastinating is choosing the wrong battle.
If everyone procrastinates, then everyone has creativeness. Just put in the wrong place.
Make the effort to fight off this struggle to ship. I did. At least for today.