I was not able to make a blog post last week. There are glitches — both technical and human. I was in a different place. There’s an internet connection as slow as a disabled snail stuck in the mud. Also, for four consecutive nights, I drunk beer, wine, and brandy. Also, Coca-Cola and Sprite. By the way, I don’t write drunk.
“Write drunk, edit sober.” ~Not by Ernest Hemingway
My father just came in an untimely manner. Same as I am, he’s also an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker). The big difference though is I was an OFW, while he is still one. In short, he just took a leave, a filed an exit.
We both go to Ilocos Norte Province located in the extreme northern part of the Philippines.
The Less Exciting Part of Life — Waiting
It took us ten hours (including breaks) to travel for about 500 kilometers from Manila to Ilocos Norte. I was not bored at all. As my typical self, I enjoyed sight-seeing. The trees and rice fields and mountains are my candy eyes. The sweet sceneries.
From time-to-time, distractions steal my precious time. They are still one of my annoying enemies. I named two among them — Facebook and television. They are not evil. Just misused and abused.
Maybe it was only me, but every time I was distracted, I’m saying to myself I hate to wait. I’m saying to myself I need to fill this gap of the moment I’m doing nothing. So I do something. Anything. For most of us, the smartphone is the solution. Well, was there any option? Internet browsing. Facebook. Instagram. Mobile games. Call someone. Text someone.
In moderation, these are good things. Even great alternatives for boredom — probably the sign you don’t want to wait anymore.
We all have our own personal goals and aspirations. The time between where you are now and where you want to be mostly is the struggle. We can’t wait for the right time. Almost everything now was done instantly. From noodles to traveling to banking. The faster, the better. This was the norm.
As most of the people, I also hate waiting. I might just seem as an extremely patient person. The truth is there are times I hate more the conflict than waiting.
There are many times especially when I first met someone I almost didn’t show my emotions. Especially, when I’m upset. Nobody would have a clue. Not that I’m less genuine, I know my emotions can’t be trusted all the time. It can work for or against us.
When we are waiting for something to happen, thoughts and emotions play a role. This defines our attitude for each day.
As a person who makes a decision for logical reasons, I always do what is right. Not what I feel is right. Still, many times my fears took over in choosing what to do.
Am I Just Waiting to Die?
There a lot of times in my life I got depressed. If you’re a human reading this, you know what I mean. I despair, I want to die at that point in time. I can’t wait to end this life. Those are the days. Many times when I was in college. Now, the thoughts of wanting to die came from time-to-time, but not as intense as before.
I read somewhere there are many people who are dead. But, not yet official. The living zombies. The times when our work and relationship sucked all our zest in life.
I would like to apologize, this post sounds vague. My mind is fogged again. Anyway, all I just want to say is to live your life. I’m saying this not as someone who’s qualified. This is also a reminder for myself.
Your money and your relationships no matter how many or few would not matter. Make the most of what you have. I’m still learning, but I know I’m starting to do things I want without abandon and apology.
Death will come. All of us are dying people. It is just a matter of when.
Waiting is a beautiful time to appreciate the gift of time. It makes us stop for a while and remember to breathe slowly and deeply. Something better is going happen to you. Just wait. With patience. Not with passiveness.
Every man dies, but not every man really lives. ~William Wallace from the movie “Braveheart”